is 3 of an ongoing series of rants....feel free to add your own....
Silent Bob Rants: What frosts my cookies?
By Bob Hubbard
who dont think. If you are too stupid to understand that "Cold
Water + Very Hot grill surface = explosive steam" you should be
shot. If you are too incompetent to handle mopping a floor, you should
not be in charge of maintaining a fast food (or any food) institue.
If you cant handle basic reasoning skills, you should not be in a position
of authority or responsibility.
with defects they refuse to acknowledge and fix. I'm sorry, but if i'm
3 feet away from you, and have to repeat myself 5 times, you are FN
deaf and need a hearing aid. I'm sorry, but if my breathing is all it
takes to distract you, then you do not need to be driving. I'm sorry,
but if I say 'let me research it and I'll set up a time next week when
I can focus on the problem' don't whine to your family that I'm blowing
you off cuz I didn't race right over.
who are more concerned with their habbit than my health.
collectors. Especially those who give you the "well youre being
uncooperative" **** when you've told them 20 times "Im broke,
I am going to be broke for a while, but as soon as I have it, you'll
get it". (I think all collections people should be lined up, and
Not all, but most. Those more interested in 'winning' than justice.
- Fat people
who think its McD. fault they are fat. I'm sorry, but they've had callorie
counts available for over a decade, even in backwater Buffalo. I love
it when they order 4 whoppers, 2 double frys and a DIET coke. Right....like
the dropping of 300 cals from your swimming pool size coke is going
to offset the 6,000 cals of your meals. (1 whopper = about 1,000 cals,
or 50% of the average persons required intake for a day.)
- Fat people
who don't realize they smell. I'm sorry, if you are overweight, you
sweat. The more you are over weight, the more you sweat. Shower daily,
and use deoderant. 1 stick will last a month. You can easily do without
that 1 med. fry.
- Fat people
who claim their 'legs are bad'. FU! They gave out cuz they arent made
to support your 600lb ass! (Ran into this twit today....)
fat, lazy guys (and gals) who think they are all that.
people who bitch about how unfair life is. Ya know what? I work for
a living...so does Bill Gates. He got there the hard way...so am I.
It aint fair that I pay taxes so that you can sit at home n collect
welfare n get fat n have health problems that I also pay for, when I
can't afford FN health care for myself.
the handycapped. - I'm sorry, but if you are too fn slow to handle mopping
a floor at McD, there is no FN way you should have a drivers licence
AND a god damn gun permit!!!!! If you are so socially or mentally defective
that you can not handle yourself in public, you should not be in public.
If you cant follow a basic instruction like "Dont over fill the
straws" or "dont clean the table while people are eating on
it" you should not be allowed out of your cell.
in abusive relationships that when offered ways out, not only go back,
but claim they need it. Maybe the abuser will snuff your damaged ass
before you reproduce there by improving the gene pool.
claiming they are a "minority" and need special treatment.
In the US, if you are black, asian, hispanic or female you get special
coddling, benifits, etc when considered for educational openings, jobs,
and business aid. Also, other government benifits are more easily obtained
if you belong to one of these "minority" groups. If you are
a white boy, too FN bad. Youre on your own. If I could grow tits and
give birth I could get a nice grant and access special 'business growth'
programs. I got a dangly, so I'm SOL.
Have I pissed anyone off? Anyone see themselves in this list? Aww...let
me close with this one:
with thin skins. Get overyourself. In the globial scheme of things you
dont count for crap. Neither do I. When we die, 20 people will miss
us and 10 years later we will be a foot note to a foot note. Go become
rich and famous n save some whales or rainforests or something.
The "George Carlin" of the board....
who must point out to me every chance they get that I'm either overweight,
balding, 'not cool' or a 'geek'.
stabbers and liars. enough said.
who think the speedlimit is a minimun, and old farts who think its 30
mph too fast....on the hiway!
girls who dress like porn stars then bitch about the attention they
males who think women are meat
who speed, run red lights and otherwise disregard the laws they are
supposed to be enforcing and representing.
who take the money and run.
who don't take 5 minutes to research the thing they are protesting.
- any ethnic
or gender based holiday. I want "National White Male" day.
I'm tired of hispanic pride, gay pride, womans week, black pride, etc.
I want to celebrate my whiteness. We can watch football and eat pizza.
Make it a monday.
who tell you everything that can go wrong, but who have never done anything
more stellar that the crossword puzzle.
who tell you how youre gonna fail...before you even start.
stealers, de-motivators and other negative jerks.
who wear too much scent! (I'm sorry, did you bathe in pinesol? Sure
smells like it).
folks who park in the handicap spots. I dont mean those who have the
'non-visible' problems, I mean those who borrow or steal the tags, and
fn skip outta their cars.
- dog owners
who don't clean up after their beasts. Scoop the poop, stup!
who think little 'tommy' is so cute, esp when hes on the other side
of the store from you acting like a brat. (I really hate them....alot....I
know several of these morons....really hope little tommy doesnt show
up floating in a river cuz the shampoo you were looking at was more
important that watching your own spawn)
who spend the weekend (you know thursday thru tuesday) stoned, bombed,
or trashed....especially if they do alot of driving on those days.
Sure seems like SB is having a bad day, some bad encounters and one
intollerent sonofabitch huh?
isnt aimed at someone like RM who reconized she had a challenge, and
met it. I got respect for that. I'm refering to those folks who refuse
to address it or even admit it. This aint aimed at the folks with a
few extra inches...hell, I can stand to drop a bit myself. I mean those
huge fat fscks who need a bloomin scooter to get around, run people
over and aint seen their feet in 15 yrs.
a -very- low intollerence of folks who just flat out cant function.
200 years ago, wolves would have carried most of these morons off, but
today, we elect em and protect em. Progress isnt always an improvement.
who simply do not do what is best for them. I'm not talking about the
'dont eat that or it'll give you gas' or the 'better not buy it' crowd.
I mean the -real- dumb fscks. The ones that are told "You need
to stop smoking." Why? I dunno....maybe because its the reason
your eyes are healing at 1/10th the speed of normal, why you are having
all sorts of complications too. Maybe because of the fact that your
last roto-roter treatment resulted in the ambulence ride back to the
hospital and the weeklong cathader treatment was directly related to
your habit of smoking nonstop?
on smokers.... An inconsiderate bunch at best. I believe it should be
a legal requirement that anyone wishing to suck toxic fumes into their
lungs, should be required to wear an airtight filtration helmet, similar
to the old diving gear. You can breath n puff it all you want. Just
keep it in. I'm tired of walking thru a room and having that crap coat
and poison my body.
small penis'd mindwipes who feel it necesary to prove their 'studliness'
by racing at their vehicles maximum speed thru a parking lot. "Its
the thril" you say? Go try something more thrilling...like bungee
jumping without a cord. Maybe you'll help up the IQ of the human race
who go through their "Windows" PC's registry and spot-delete
things, uninstall random programs, manually delete files, and other
crap, then get pissed at you when you tell them 'Its broken'. Like you
were the jerkwad who went in with explorer and at gun point made them
for whom "Start-run-CMD" (or command.com) is a 60 minute process.
beer. Why not "Diet Beer"?
security. Whats the damn point? You wait 10x as long, they scan everything,
dig around in my dirty shorts looking for toxins (gee, ya think?) and
frisk me of everything including my findernail clippers. Ok, now I go
to the airport eatery and what do they give me? A plastic fork, plastic
spoon, and a METAL steak knife. WTF? Nail clippers are bad, but this
isn't? And, even if they dont give it to you then, what about on the
really long flights where they serve a meal? Order a steak....you'll
get a...STEAK KNIFE!!!! GAH!
- 12 year
old "CEO's who havent even registered their company at the county
level. They live with mommy, and rather than get a paper route, they
run a 'corporation'.... They aint even oldenough to register!!!!
customers! Like any prepube whose still riding the cheese bus to school
each day is gonna really be able to handle running a business and supporting
you as a customer...Oh but wait! It was only $5 a year. Ya know, you
get what you pay for....Gawdvandamm cheep bastiches!
- I think
if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding
who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the
next four years.
who don't know anything about HTML and call themselves 'webdesigners'.
I'm sorry, the web IS HTML, and if all you can do is "Drag n Dump"
with M$ FartPage, and use its 'pretty little themes' you aint a webdesigner.
You are a text rearanger.
who do those ugly ass 'Flash' sites with the animated, musical intros
AND DONT PUT IN THE FSCKING 'SKIP INTRO' LINK!!! Mandetory death for
you.....death by watching repeats of Bill Clintons speaches!
buttwipe drivers that whip out in front of you, drive real fn slow,
then pull into a space or spot 50 feet down the road.....and there was
NOONE! behind you.
- All these
damn lawyer and cop shows.
Voyager and half of DS9". Bergman wants to know why the Trek franchise
is heading down the crapper? Maybe he should get all his staff together,
head down to "Won Hung Lo's Dojo of Death!" and have a big
group looksie at the room length mirror....then go try that cordless
bungee jumping I mentioned earlier.
I'd like to cross the show with Galleger.....let him get out the old
"Sledge-O-Matic". Gotta "SMASH em all....
Self centered, self absorbed, greedy impatient bastiches! Did I also
mention overweight and happy to throw it around too?
so busy protecting their 'spot' that they forget what it was like to
be hungry and where you are at. Especially bad when they are mentors
or teachers, but can't stop the BS long enough to do what got them there
in the first place.
Gah...... I hate people.....especially that person in the express line
with 8 items (limits 7) each one which needs to be price checked, who
waits until EVERYTHING is rung in to start searching in their warehouse
sizes bag for their checkbook.....
also known on various on-line forums as "Silent" Bob, and
just "Kaith", is a long time sci-fi fan. Currently head of
the I.K.V. Devisior,
an independant science fiction, anime and fantasy fan club, he has held
positions with numerous other groups. He has organized activities at
Media Play and Barnes & Nobel, worked con security, participated
in club challenges for charities, and participated in masquerades, art
shows and model shows at several Toronto conventions.
You can reach Bob at his website, http://rustaz.com