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This is 3 of an ongoing series of rants....feel free to add your own....
Silent Bob Rants: What frosts my cookies?
By Bob Hubbard

- People who dont think. If you are too stupid to understand that "Cold Water + Very Hot grill surface = explosive steam" you should be shot. If you are too incompetent to handle mopping a floor, you should not be in charge of maintaining a fast food (or any food) institue. If you cant handle basic reasoning skills, you should not be in a position of authority or responsibility.

- People with defects they refuse to acknowledge and fix. I'm sorry, but if i'm 3 feet away from you, and have to repeat myself 5 times, you are FN deaf and need a hearing aid. I'm sorry, but if my breathing is all it takes to distract you, then you do not need to be driving. I'm sorry, but if I say 'let me research it and I'll set up a time next week when I can focus on the problem' don't whine to your family that I'm blowing you off cuz I didn't race right over.

- Smokers who are more concerned with their habbit than my health.

- Bill collectors. Especially those who give you the "well youre being uncooperative" **** when you've told them 20 times "Im broke, I am going to be broke for a while, but as soon as I have it, you'll get it". (I think all collections people should be lined up, and skewered, slowly.

- Lawyers. Not all, but most. Those more interested in 'winning' than justice.

- Fat people who think its McD. fault they are fat. I'm sorry, but they've had callorie counts available for over a decade, even in backwater Buffalo. I love it when they order 4 whoppers, 2 double frys and a DIET coke. the dropping of 300 cals from your swimming pool size coke is going to offset the 6,000 cals of your meals. (1 whopper = about 1,000 cals, or 50% of the average persons required intake for a day.)

- Fat people who don't realize they smell. I'm sorry, if you are overweight, you sweat. The more you are over weight, the more you sweat. Shower daily, and use deoderant. 1 stick will last a month. You can easily do without that 1 med. fry.

- Fat people who claim their 'legs are bad'. FU! They gave out cuz they arent made to support your 600lb ass! (Ran into this twit today....)

- Ugly, fat, lazy guys (and gals) who think they are all that.

- Lazy people who bitch about how unfair life is. Ya know what? I work for a does Bill Gates. He got there the hard am I. It aint fair that I pay taxes so that you can sit at home n collect welfare n get fat n have health problems that I also pay for, when I can't afford FN health care for myself.

- Coddling the handycapped. - I'm sorry, but if you are too fn slow to handle mopping a floor at McD, there is no FN way you should have a drivers licence AND a god damn gun permit!!!!! If you are so socially or mentally defective that you can not handle yourself in public, you should not be in public. If you cant follow a basic instruction like "Dont over fill the straws" or "dont clean the table while people are eating on it" you should not be allowed out of your cell.

- People in abusive relationships that when offered ways out, not only go back, but claim they need it. Maybe the abuser will snuff your damaged ass before you reproduce there by improving the gene pool.

- People claiming they are a "minority" and need special treatment. In the US, if you are black, asian, hispanic or female you get special coddling, benifits, etc when considered for educational openings, jobs, and business aid. Also, other government benifits are more easily obtained if you belong to one of these "minority" groups. If you are a white boy, too FN bad. Youre on your own. If I could grow tits and give birth I could get a nice grant and access special 'business growth' programs. I got a dangly, so I'm SOL.

Have I pissed anyone off? Anyone see themselves in this list? Aww...let me close with this one:

- People with thin skins. Get overyourself. In the globial scheme of things you dont count for crap. Neither do I. When we die, 20 people will miss us and 10 years later we will be a foot note to a foot note. Go become rich and famous n save some whales or rainforests or something.

The "George Carlin" of the board....

Part 2:
More peeves:

- People who must point out to me every chance they get that I'm either overweight, balding, 'not cool' or a 'geek'.

- Back stabbers and liars. enough said.

- Teenagers who think the speedlimit is a minimun, and old farts who think its 30 mph too fast....on the hiway!

- Teen girls who dress like porn stars then bitch about the attention they get.

- Teen males who think women are meat

- Pretenders.

- Cops who speed, run red lights and otherwise disregard the laws they are supposed to be enforcing and representing.

- Polititions who take the money and run.

- Anyone from Arkansaw!

- Protesters who don't take 5 minutes to research the thing they are protesting.

- any ethnic or gender based holiday. I want "National White Male" day. I'm tired of hispanic pride, gay pride, womans week, black pride, etc. I want to celebrate my whiteness. We can watch football and eat pizza. Make it a monday.

- people who tell you everything that can go wrong, but who have never done anything more stellar that the crossword puzzle.

- people who tell you how youre gonna fail...before you even start.

- Dream stealers, de-motivators and other negative jerks.

- people who wear too much scent! (I'm sorry, did you bathe in pinesol? Sure smells like it).

- healthy folks who park in the handicap spots. I dont mean those who have the 'non-visible' problems, I mean those who borrow or steal the tags, and fn skip outta their cars.

- dog owners who don't clean up after their beasts. Scoop the poop, stup!

- parents who think little 'tommy' is so cute, esp when hes on the other side of the store from you acting like a brat. (I really hate them....alot....I know several of these morons....really hope little tommy doesnt show up floating in a river cuz the shampoo you were looking at was more important that watching your own spawn)

- people who spend the weekend (you know thursday thru tuesday) stoned, bombed, or trashed....especially if they do alot of driving on those days.

Sure seems like SB is having a bad day, some bad encounters and one intollerent sonofabitch huh?

Nah. This isnt aimed at someone like RM who reconized she had a challenge, and met it. I got respect for that. I'm refering to those folks who refuse to address it or even admit it. This aint aimed at the folks with a few extra inches...hell, I can stand to drop a bit myself. I mean those huge fat fscks who need a bloomin scooter to get around, run people over and aint seen their feet in 15 yrs.

I have a -very- low intollerence of folks who just flat out cant function. 200 years ago, wolves would have carried most of these morons off, but today, we elect em and protect em. Progress isnt always an improvement.

Part 3-

- people who simply do not do what is best for them. I'm not talking about the 'dont eat that or it'll give you gas' or the 'better not buy it' crowd. I mean the -real- dumb fscks. The ones that are told "You need to stop smoking." Why? I dunno....maybe because its the reason your eyes are healing at 1/10th the speed of normal, why you are having all sorts of complications too. Maybe because of the fact that your last roto-roter treatment resulted in the ambulence ride back to the hospital and the weeklong cathader treatment was directly related to your habit of smoking nonstop?

- More on smokers.... An inconsiderate bunch at best. I believe it should be a legal requirement that anyone wishing to suck toxic fumes into their lungs, should be required to wear an airtight filtration helmet, similar to the old diving gear. You can breath n puff it all you want. Just keep it in. I'm tired of walking thru a room and having that crap coat and poison my body.

-Those small penis'd mindwipes who feel it necesary to prove their 'studliness' by racing at their vehicles maximum speed thru a parking lot. "Its the thril" you say? Go try something more bungee jumping without a cord. Maybe you'll help up the IQ of the human race then....

- People who go through their "Windows" PC's registry and spot-delete things, uninstall random programs, manually delete files, and other crap, then get pissed at you when you tell them 'Its broken'. Like you were the jerkwad who went in with explorer and at gun point made them delete win.exe.

- People for whom "Start-run-CMD" (or is a 60 minute process.

- Lite beer. Why not "Diet Beer"?

-Airport security. Whats the damn point? You wait 10x as long, they scan everything, dig around in my dirty shorts looking for toxins (gee, ya think?) and frisk me of everything including my findernail clippers. Ok, now I go to the airport eatery and what do they give me? A plastic fork, plastic spoon, and a METAL steak knife. WTF? Nail clippers are bad, but this isn't? And, even if they dont give it to you then, what about on the really long flights where they serve a meal? Order a'll get a...STEAK KNIFE!!!! GAH!

- 12 year old "CEO's who havent even registered their company at the county level. They live with mommy, and rather than get a paper route, they run a 'corporation'.... They aint even oldenough to register!!!!

-Their customers! Like any prepube whose still riding the cheese bus to school each day is gonna really be able to handle running a business and supporting you as a customer...Oh but wait! It was only $5 a year. Ya know, you get what you pay for....Gawdvandamm cheep bastiches!

- I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

- People who don't know anything about HTML and call themselves 'webdesigners'. I'm sorry, the web IS HTML, and if all you can do is "Drag n Dump" with M$ FartPage, and use its 'pretty little themes' you aint a webdesigner. You are a text rearanger.

- Morons who do those ugly ass 'Flash' sites with the animated, musical intros AND DONT PUT IN THE FSCKING 'SKIP INTRO' LINK!!! Mandetory death for you.....death by watching repeats of Bill Clintons speaches!

-Those buttwipe drivers that whip out in front of you, drive real fn slow, then pull into a space or spot 50 feet down the road.....and there was NOONE! behind you.

- Highschool 'partyers'...over 18!!!!!

-'Reality TV'.

- All these damn lawyer and cop shows.

- "Enterprise, Voyager and half of DS9". Bergman wants to know why the Trek franchise is heading down the crapper? Maybe he should get all his staff together, head down to "Won Hung Lo's Dojo of Death!" and have a big group looksie at the room length mirror....then go try that cordless bungee jumping I mentioned earlier.

- Pokimon. I'd like to cross the show with Galleger.....let him get out the old "Sledge-O-Matic". Gotta "SMASH em all....

- Americans. Self centered, self absorbed, greedy impatient bastiches! Did I also mention overweight and happy to throw it around too?

- Frenchies. Enough said.

- People so busy protecting their 'spot' that they forget what it was like to be hungry and where you are at. Especially bad when they are mentors or teachers, but can't stop the BS long enough to do what got them there in the first place.

Gah...... I hate people.....especially that person in the express line with 8 items (limits 7) each one which needs to be price checked, who waits until EVERYTHING is rung in to start searching in their warehouse sizes bag for their checkbook.....

People suck.

BBS Threads:


Bob Hubbard also known on various on-line forums as "Silent" Bob, and just "Kaith", is a long time sci-fi fan. Currently head of the I.K.V. Devisior, an independant science fiction, anime and fantasy fan club, he has held positions with numerous other groups. He has organized activities at Media Play and Barnes & Nobel, worked con security, participated in club challenges for charities, and participated in masquerades, art shows and model shows at several Toronto conventions.
You can reach Bob at his website,



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