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* Edited for Commodore by *
* Lord Kaith Rustaz *

* Converted to HTML by *
* Kaith Rustaz *

Other Volumes : 1 2 3

The following is a list of what a pirate is or isn't. In many cases, you will find similar experiences in your own pirate life. As you see, this text is formatted in 40 columns*, which brings us to the first instance:

REAL PIRATES do not care what the width of a text was formatted in. They can handle anything. Therefore, all of you 80 column owners, bare with it. The Apple II/II+ will be around for a long time.

Real pirates realize that piracy is not a crime; it is the only solution

Real pirates do not get paranoid of Sierra On-line's copy violation warning: $50,000 fine and/or imprisonment.

Real pirates don't worship hires pictures.

Real pirates have a HAYES modem

Real pirates don't pick 'answer' mode in Disk-fer simply because they know that they will get their disk first.

Real pirates can send without recieving. (Give without taking.)

Real pirates don't get I/O errors on half their disks.

Real pirates don't use generic disks.

Real pirates don't use their apples for testing plant growth and temperatures.

Real pirates don't replace their fish tank with "Fishies."

Real pirates know what they have in their library.

Real pirates don't delete something for everything they get.

Real pirates don't buy software so they can be the first to crack it.

Real pirates don't waste their money on software because they know it's not worth it.

Real pirates know that Pole Position for the Apple will never come out.

Real pirates don't make prank phone calls.

Real pirates don't advertise their bbs/ae/catsend lines without keeping them up.

Real pirates run a bbs/ae/catsend line 24 hours a day or they don't run one at all.

Real pirates have two phone lines.

Real pirates realize that they asked for it when they get a call for their bbs/ae/catsend line at the wrong time of the day.

Real Pirates know that the South Pole is located in the U.S.A.

Real pirates don't put their names and numbers on other pirate's wares.

Real pirates don't put their friends names on a crack just to make him/her/it well-known.

Real pirates do not pollute their wares with numerous names, groups and numbers.

Real pirates do not update their whole system and collection to Prodos.

Real pirates never run out of disk space.

Real pirates don't trade their Apple II/II+/IIe in for a IIc.

Real pirates don't bug other pirates for "new wares."

Real pirates don't freak out when they meet a female pirate.

Real pirates are not conceited.

Real pirates don't make mommy buy the blank disks.

Real pirates know how to spell.

Real pirates don't play Stickybear ABC.

Real pirates are not racists.

Real pirates do not hang out on homo-sexual based bbs's.

Real pirates can find in their collection what they know they have.

Real pirates are not in a hurry to collect all of the Trillium shit.

Real pirates have alternate ways of copying Time Zone other than by modem.

Real pirates don't turn a file into a full disk so they can slap their tacky title page on to it.

Real pirates don't join groups so they can become well-known.

Real pirates don't need a reason to have access to a certain board or bbs.

Real pirates do not brag to computer illiterates that they can break into banks, etc. now with their new modem, when they know they can't.

Real pirates don't waste their time and money driving miles to see other pirates.

Real pirates do not brag of their alcohol/drug use; sexual desires and experiences; and or suicide attempts.

Real pirates do not know how many disks they have, and do not care to hear the notion of how many disks that another pirate has.

Real pirates don't make obnoxious noises, sounds, moans, groans, and tones while on a conference line.

Real pirates don't get other pirates in trouble.

Real pirates don't bill other pirates. (Unless he/she/it has done the same to you.)

Real pirates don't spend their life typing in text-files. (Which is why this one is almost done.)
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notes : original document formated in 40 col.  reformated or HTML.